Words by Fatboi Fresh (@FatandUGLYaseva)
Election time is upon us, and before you go cast your vote for Romney or Obeezy Fasheezzy a.k.a. President Barack Obama, I’d like you all to know that I am officially running for President of the United States. Although I know I have about as much of a shot as Andre Barnett, I decided to throw my name in the hat this time around in an effort to bring about real change in this wonderful country.
There are a number of things that I would like to change in the United States, starting with eliminating political parties. I feel since the inception of political parties in 1796, the powers that be have had a stronghold on who they wanted to be president via the strategy of divide and conquer. As long as there are Republicans and Democrats there will never, and I mean NEVER, be real change in this country — simply because ‘us versus them’ has not proven productive.If I had my way, there would just be WE.
On the serious issues, there are tons of things that I would change and unlike my opponent, Mitt Romney, you won’t have to wait until after I win to hear my big plan. By making me president I would finally give reparations to blacks and make every illegal Mexican a citizen. As your president I vow to rid this great land of ubiquitous ignorance and every ism that you can name – or at least put a nice red bowtie on it like every great political figure that came before me. I’m sure you want to hear more about how I plan to take this great nation by storm, so I comprised a list of things that I would do should you decide to elect me the new leader of the free world. Though I’m sure you can do better, humor me.
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