Top 5 Dead or Alive: Fatboi Fresh Rates Chicago Pizza

| March 28, 2012 | 18 Comments

Words by Fatboi Fresh (@BigWizIzDead)

FSD’s resident food critic, Fatboi Fresh, is back with his second edition of Fatboi Fresh’s Guide To Chicago Eats column. A few weeks ago, the artist formerly known as Big Wiz, ranked his Top 10 favorite Chicago Restaurants, and today he’s back to talk about one of Chicago’s most popular dishes: Pizza. While the city has hundreds of pizza joints, Fatboi narrowed it down to his Top 5 Dead or Alive. Hit the jump to see what made the Westside’s Prince of the Palate’s elite list. Agree to disagree?

5.) Elliot’s Augusta Pizza & Grill
4400 W Augusta Blvd, Chicago, IL 60651

Elliot’s Pizza on Kostner and Augusta is my favorite pizza spot on the Westside. I would have placed this spot a little higher on my list if they actually made slices in a variety, rather than just swine and cheese. However, if you were to order a whole pie topped with whatever you want, I’m sure you’d agree that it is some quality, authentic Chicago style pizza. Another reason why I had to put this spot at the bottom of my list, is that there’s like a 30% to 40% chance that you will get shot, stabbed or robbed while trying to get a slice of fuckin’ pizza. So unless you’re “about that life,” I would suggest that you either order delivery or check out one the other four suggestions listed below.


4.) Gino’s East
633 N Wells Street, Chicago, IL 60610 [Multiple Locations]

Gino’s East is one of those spots that my family and I would fuck with on occasion when I was a kid. But it was only when I got older and started smoking weed, did I appreciate the whole deep dish pizza experience. Gino’s is one of those spots that you’re not a real Chicagoan if you don’t fuck with. So if you’re not from here, or have been living under a rock your whole life, I would suggest that you slide through there and check them out.

Now for a super funny story, I remember back in ’08, I had the perfect date planned — I was gonna go get some Gino’s since the girl I was kickin it with lived over there. After that, we were gonna go check out a free show at the Metro. Well, everything went superb until we got back to her place and started engaging in Bill Clinton-style “relations.” While I was at the Metro I had one too many drinks, and just when I thought busted the biggest Scary Movie nut that I’ve ever busted, I actually was just pissin’ in the poor child’s mouth. Then, to add insult to injury, I let out big, nasty Gino’s Pizza-inspired fart. Needless to say, she doesn’t talk to me anymore. Funny story, right? Welp, moving along…

3.) Union Pizzeria
1245 Chicago Avenue, Evanston, IL 60202

Union Pizzeria in Evanston, probably has the most creative and delicious choices I’ve ever seen on a pizza. My favorite being the lamb sausage, with spinach, onion, and mushroom. Because of the incident that took place with my number four pick, I suggest that you either go here with your girl or girl friend who already loves you. Or just make it a night out with peers, because for the rest of the night, you’ll be burping, farting, and/or shitting up a storm. But it sho is worth it!

2.) Lou Malnati’s
439 North Wells Street, Chicago, ILL 60610 [Multiple Locations]

Okay, so we’re winding down, and this is the portion of the list where people are going to start bitching and complaining. But remember people, this is MY LIST, and if you were cool like me, then the good people at FSD would’ve asked you to write it. But they didn’t, and with that said, my number two pick is the world famous Lou Malnati’s — located pretty much everywhere, on every side of Chicago. Unlike the inconsistent money whores at Harold’s Chicken, Lou Malnati’s figured out how to make all of the pizza at all of their locations taste exactly the same. I fucks with Lou Malnati’s hard, but unfortunately (or fortunately), it actually does get better than this place.

1.) Home Run Inn Pizza
4254 W. 31st St., Chicago, IL 60623 [Multiple Locations]

What the Southside of Chicago lacks in chicken wing quality, it’s more than compensated with the number one, undisputed pizzeria known as Home Run Inn. Real talk, Home Run Inn, has the best pizza in America. I don’t think n***** in Italy are fuckin’ with them on some real shit, joe. I believe what sets them apart from everyone else is that damn crust. What in the hell do they put in that stuff? It’s buttery crack doe, topped with sauce cheese and your choice of meat. Man, I love that damn pizza. They are second to none, and I proudly say that the Southside holds the crown when it come to pizza. So until next time, chuuch on the move, and I’m out.


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Category: Chicago

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  1. soyeah says:

    Homerun inn is overrated. Apart pizza should of made this list

  2. r u kidding me says:

    lmaoooooo home run innis generic as fuck, what a loser!!!

  3. lol @ home run inn says:

    broke ass taste buds

  4. B8gie says:

    waldo cooney’s fooo!

  5. Billahgans Island...Billah says:

    MAN JOE HOME RUN INN AINT REALLY SOUTHSIDE THO ITS ON 31ST ITS TECHNICALLY OUTWEST WIT IT.
    MAN IF YOU GO AND EAT THERE ITS 90% WESTSIDE NIGGAS AND ALL THE OTHER LOCATIONS IS WEST SUBURBS.
    ANYTIME YOU SEE A SOUTH SIDE NIGGA IN HRI THEY ON A FIELD TRIP LOL
    BUT IT IS BY FAR THE BEST PIZZA IN THE WORLD THE END

    • and I wonder says:

      thats the southwest side…its both man…I know that’s hard for you to conceive in your limited thinking, but it does exist

  6. CT says:

    LMFAO @ #4’s story pissin in the poor child’s mouth haha

    Not a bad list but could have been better, No capri?

  7. HP_NOE says:

    No Giordano’s fo’real?!! Stuffed spinach & chesse… Good night!!!

  8. Dutch says:

    As Much as i disagreed with the last list..this one Decent..fuc is these dudes complaining about…You cant go wrong with Home Run Inn,Ginos East or Lou Malnati’s…the only addition would probably be Beggars on 127th(the original) or Italian Fiesta..as far as hood pizza go

  9. Mark.Web says:

    Good list, agree w/ most of it, although never had Union or #5.. Id swap out #5 w/ Mr Beef, and #3 w/ Villa Napoli… Id take Gino’s #1 though, sausage patty deep dish, dont really fuck w/ Home Run Inn though, they got that rabbit shit looking sausage to me like Little Ceasars and Pizza Hut has. LMAO @ the stories along w/ the reviews though!

  10. mark byrd says:

    No Giordano’s, Rosatti’s, or Beggars????

  11. ChiCityColdCity says:

    This list is a fail, how do you not add Beggars or Rosati’s? Barraco’s in Evergreen Park? You sleeping Wiz….

  12. whynotme says:

    OK KOOL……. NO Italian Fiesta

  13. and I wonder says:

    A failed list by someone who never been on the north side where the real pizza places exist where
    in the fuck D’Agustinos, Sarpinos, Pizzeria UNO and Due, Coalfire, Art of Pizza, Pizanos

    YOUR LIST IS AMATEUR NIGHT!!! SMH EPICEST FAIL EVER!!!

    The south and west side has horrible lackluster pizza places

  14. and I wonder says:

    This dude has NO FUCKIN CLUE what so ever…..Chicago Magazine listed the top 25 pizza places in Chicago and I dont think any on his list even made it on their list….this kid is not credible.

  15. Schedule One says:

    Suburban, but no one is touchin Aurerlio’s w/ the thin crust.

  16. ChiCityColdCity says:

    It is “his” list so I can’t get mad. You need to move around more. For the people who like UNO, UNO ain’t shit, their pizzas are frozen….Giordano’s in Rosemont hands down the best Deep Dish in the country!

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